Mocha ChokAHH!!!

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 04:53:52 GMT

i hope you find someone to love,
but no one to ever replace me.

I got soul, i'm so wasted.

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 08:19:29 GMT

started off with a glass of red wine
cheap champagne, it tickles down my spine. doot doot doot

it makes me happy when i have time to read things i enjoy.
it makes me happy when i'm purchasing art supplies.
it makes me happy when my car is clean.

seems like it doesn't take much to make me happy?

Mon, 20 Jul 2009 09:35:03 GMT

It's not exhilarating to know who you are.
This is why life is so amazing. The only absolute is change.

Thu, 07 May 2009 05:02:16 GMT

Love is not a thing to rush,
it's a feeling you should trust,
it will be that way with us.

Watch our love come to life.

Mixed like an adios mother fucker.

Takes no time to fall in love, but it takes years to know what love is.

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 05:46:29 GMT

i

don't

know

anymore.

All you need is Love.

Tue, 06 Jan 2009 05:47:31 GMT

So i finally found the time to sit down and accumulate all my thoughts and goals for the new year and reflect on the past year, just a bit.

Many people feel that having resolutions is a silly concept, but in some aspect it encourages/motivates you to TRY and achieve these "silly resolutions" & i believe those that those that put the effort into coming up with resolutions acutally end up achieveing if not a alot, a little more than those who didn't. Afterall, the point in a pyramid for resolutions is improving yourself.

My fingernails are annoying me as i type.

Quick relfect on 2008
i have got to admit overall 2008 is the worst year. I'm sure if i sit here and think of all the horrible encounters, i'd be here till the early AMs, so lets not do that! Although last year was a shakey year for my relationship, Major switch disaster, family relations and all the other "downs," there were still alot of positives too! Good grades, sticking to my resolutions of optimistism, exercising (maybe not as much as i wanted to, but at least i did something), spending more family time, being more confident & not allowing people to step all over me etc. I don't want disect and analyze too much about the past, let's move forward with full force instead :D he he.

And let me present to you, my 2009 list of resolutions!!!

1. Work on self confidence & insecurities; no more self put downs, not allow anyone to make me feel belittled or not worthy enough etc (this has been my resolution for 3 or so consecutive years, i feel progress, but not as much as i want to, so i will continue to work on that)

2. Balance my time with family, friends, bf, school & become a better, daughter, sister, girlfirend and friend. Daughter: be more helpful and do more things around the house & spend more time with them. Sister: be more supportive and open/welcoming, girlfriend: (we will make resolution list together:]) friend: i'm perfect HA jk be less flakey and "mean" HA

3. Give school 110% and get straight A's for all five classes at CSUF my first/this semester! Be active, join clubs, internship, stay on top!, figure out exactly what i want to do. Also, find back up plans and all that jazz.

4. Not give chances for redemption to undeserving people. Not giving time or attention to people unworthy of my time and attention.

5. Find some time for myself every couple of weeks for things i enjoy doing like: finishing artsy/crafty projects i've started, keyboarding lessons!!, improving my Spanish skills, bike riding in the AM, perphaps some volunteer work (soup kitchens/marathons etc), oh & definitely cook some more!! i enjoy cooking & not to mention, not too shaby for a starter! :)

6. Exercise & eat healthier. Although I'm thin, I dont want to be unhealthy and find myself with a cholesterol level of 200+!! Perhaps some dance, aerobics, maybe yoga (not too much of a yoga fan), less fastfood, sugar and salt consumption (i eat alot of sugary and salty foods)

7. Find a job that i love & will benefit me.

8. Become less retrospective.

9. Learn the harlem shake! haha, jk i already know how to...

- Overall, i just want to improve myself as a whole for myself and those i care about. Hopefully i will tackle all resolutions, but if not, most will do! I'm sure i can accomplish majority of them! Hello 2009, i will embrace all of you!

To the days we made out to the entire Thrice cd 3 times.

Sun, 07 Dec 2008 23:42:54 GMT

I finally decided to watch Knocked Up last night. Yes, i'm a little behind. Anyway, i really enjoyed the movie. Normally i do not feel that nudity scenes are tolerable or necessary and it makes me feel uncomfortable but i feel that b/c of the entire storyline and context of this movie, it was "forgiven."

Anyway, I was teary and cried during a couple scenes in the movie. I particularly cried during the scene when Pete lies about going to a meeting when really he was with his friends playing Fantasy Football and Debbie finds out. He then explains his feeling of "getting away" to keep his sanity and that if he tried explaining she'd be upset. She explains her end and tells him she sometimes feels like getting away too. They lacked communication. Pete automantically jumps to conclude that she'd be mad and does not attempt to explain his tense and overwhelmed feelings, he lies instead, causing Debbie to think that he's out cheating and he's no longer in love with her. However, at the same time Debbie fails to rationalize and be direct and ask him rather than snooping around and "stalking" him to find that he was with his friends. When she asks him what he did last Wednesday, he says he went to watch Spiderman3 alone, she asked why he didn't ask her to come & he said he needed to be alone and she starts crying and says she wants to watch Spiderman too. I cried. It was so sad b/c many can relate to the emotions she felt during that scene. He then decides to reconcile everything by suggesting the movies next week togehter, but it doesn't make her feel anybetter b/c she states that she had to ask to get invited, rather than him asking on his own. MANNNNN, it completely depicts common relationship hardships. The scene greatly depicts both sides in an unbiased manner i believe.

Pete needs to not jump to conclude Debbie's response and sincerely talk to her and explain his needs and feelings.
Debbie needs to be more calm and understanding, and more open to rationalize Pete's end.

I thought the movie was worthy of my essay paper time so i got off track writing about it.

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 08:48:37 GMT

I just want us to sleep holding eachother...forever

it`s too late to call back yesterday.

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 05:16:35 GMT

I need to take some time out to rant, whine and complain.......

School has been a handful. I have a ton of things due and i feel super behind! I have a presentation, exam and writing/interview assignment due tomorrow! And three papers for journalism due VERY soon, a broadcast video & a research paper! AHHH UGH. SOMEONE SHOOT ME!

Lately i've been having these random dreams that are realistic in some aspects which freaks me out. Sometimes i can't distinguish if im awake or dreaming!!! Quite creepy if you ask me...

This thought was triggered by a conversation i overheard. I know the election was like a couple weeks ago, but for all you assholes that did not vote b/c you were lazy or just didn't feel as though it would "make a difference", it's fine because years from now you can tell your children and grandchildren that you watched history happen! HA HA HA! watch, NOT MAKE IT happen yo! :D

GOD my head is throbbing. I don't know if these are symptoms of a reoccuring illness, but i really hope not :[ boohoo!

A random thought came up while i was driving and eating a taco. I feel like such a big fucking fatass when i'm eating something whole like.. a taco or sandwich while driving. Candy and chips are like whatever, but anyway I wonder if other people think anything of it...

blah blah blah It's in our nature to judge, but
i am annoyed by people who do not put out the slightest effort to suspend judgement to give opportunity to understand and analyze!

back to work :[

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle, life is a maze & love is a riddle.

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 01:24:09 GMT

I am irritated by people who do not take responsiblity for their actions. Growing older comes along with more responsibilities people!!! Gosh. I am in such a negative mood right now. I cannot stand selfish and irresponsible son of a bitches. All they do is take, take and take some more! No consideration for others, no second thoughts of how their actions can harm others, NO nada but themselves!! They do things to benefit themselves and only themselves, inconsiderate and selfish bastards. I understand if this whole selfishness is a "survival skill" or whatever the hell you want to call it but what concerns me most is when these people are people i acutally care about and are close to...

Sometimes I feel like screaming everything i feel and think at the top of my lungs, so loud that everyone, EVERYONE, especially those that my annoyance, aggravation, irritation pertains to can hear so loud and clear their ears will bleed, then hopefully they'll try to understand and DO SOMETHING! WAIT, they wont becuase they dont give a flying fuck obviously.

Anyway, i have so much crap to do i feel so overwhelmed. Last week i was super productive, this week i need to keep it up! Its already Wednesday, I should really get started on my research paper and journalism extra credit assignment. Now i gotta read the La Times, think of broadcast ideas and finalize my schedule. What i really want to do is eat a subway sandwich and soup while watching a funny movie.

& when that morning comes, ill make coffee & you'll read the paper.

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 04:19:41 GMT

I always catch myself trying to figure out what lies ahead of me when realistically, it is impossible. Life is seriously just one big question mark. Being the person that i am, i need organization, sequence, a mapped out plan... i always want to know more than i should and whether my time is wisely dispersed and utilized. I tend to try and not waste my time on things unworthy of my time however, i sometimes lose track and cannot identify between the worthy and unworthy. I hate finding myself questioning anything and everything i do and encounter. Life is full of both wanted and unwanted surprises, the anticipation for what's on deck kills me.

only in Cali where we riot not rally to live & die.

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 06:31:11 GMT

My previous entry was actually at 8pm not am.
Obama is now our president. America is finally meeting change.Its history in the making yo! I am soo super excited and i'm sure many people can relate to this! ahhh! :D

Taking me for granted
I can barely stand it
Wonder why I even care

Showing me the way I thought I heard you say
That good things come to those who wait
Watching every hour, watch it going sour
Watching you control my fate

Oh now baby you, cant you see
I'm hiding in your arms
Oh now baby you, cant you see
Don't wanna find myself in harm

Running out of space, I can't see your face
I've forgotten how you used to be
Saying that you love me, that you're thinking of me
Taking my identity.
MEIKO is amazing!

I decided we weren't goin' speak so why we up 3 A.M. on the phone?

Sun, 02 Nov 2008 22:08:04 GMT

Last week was a semi-relaxed week, now this entire week is gonna be catch up week!!! i need to do a ton of things like make up classes for aerobics (4 sessions), study for business exam Tuesday, go to csuf turn in papers & figure out spring schedule w/comm department, Mcomm research paper!!!, journalism newspaper, pay off a fucking parking ticket, library, blood test yadi yadi! I feel so behind, but the trip up to LA & this weekend was fun & necessary! lol

But anyway, i'm having a very difficult time concentrating, my mind keeps wandering off. Last night i had fun just having some miso soup and crunch roll in the cold weather & going back to your house staying up in the late AMs watching Degrassi! It felt very relaxing and i enjoyed the time together.

I have been so unproductive today, i feel so dissapointed. I have a million things to catch up on and i've been mopping around and finding distractions. I spent a ton of time reading about Prop 8 and i am still debating on my stance. I have comments&rebuttals for both ends. I will not elaborate on anything, however from what i'm hearing and observing i feel that NO on Prop 8 is going to prevail...

I need to study!!!!

it's hard to fight for a life that wasn't meant to be yours

Mon, 27 Oct 2008 05:31:02 GMT

Today is my 20th Birthday. I am no longer a teen. I am 20 years old and it does not feel any different. A step away from the past and toward the unforeseen future. My birthday weekend has not been too shabby. I mean, it's 9:30pm, i've been reading/studying and now i'm blogging instead of going out w/some friends. HA maybe it wasn't as great as it can be, but i'm okay with that. Or maybe it could just be that i'm old and boring now :[ Whatever the case, October babies rule :]

Today i helped a friend with an art project. We went to Michael's and got some paint to make a master piece t shirt haha It turned out pretty nice if you ask me. This reminded me of how much i miss doing arts&crafts. I am currently in the process of a paper mache project. I have not found the time to completely concentrate on it, so the lamp is just sitting there collecting dusk. I cannot yet decide on wether to have it black and white or color. I need to get to that pronto! Maybe after tuesday this week

I recall sharing future goals/plans with my good friend Colleen since we were about 15 years old. We had a ton of bizzare dreams and unbound faith in what we desired. Now reflecting back on those wants and dreams, i can trace how much our minds have evolved and matured. Now to come to think of it, some of those dreams and wants are what i can say, foolish and naive. As i am getting older and experiencing life as it comes, i am seeing things under a different light and what i want in my life is gradually becoming clearer and clearer to me everyday.

i will continue later

-jennnn

Let's take the time to walk together while we have the sun,

Thu, 23 Oct 2008 09:30:41 GMT

You never know when temperamental weather's gonna come.

My sleeping pattern has been all screwed up. I've been taking midday naps again. I love naps. I remember in psychology class long naps are not recommended, just quick 30 minutes or so powernaps. Something about long naps causing your body to think its REM sleeptime and your body completely relaxes yadi yadi so you wake up all grogy and woozy ish i dont know exactly!

Sometimes people need to stop & think that certain situations are interpreted differently for different people. Their personal experiences and encounters may not be defined the same way you would define it... there are so many different angles to look at something.

Today I had a humor filled conversation with a friend of mine. It reminds me how much I really enjoy great conversations.

My eyes are getting dark circles & my back has been aching. I am so old!!!

Are we human, or are we denser?

Wed, 22 Oct 2008 07:20:14 GMT

I'm eating Kix Cereal and something about it is so addicting. It's not sweet enough for my taste, but i still can't get my hands off of it...

I like to know. I like to share what's on my mind. I like to explain myself. I like to care & be around people I love. Is that too much to handle&ask for? I really don't know.

And so i've heard, drinking milk is highly encouraged for great bones! I stopped drinking milk since the 3rd grade. I need to start getting my doses of calcium from another source other than milk b/c god knows jenn does not drink milk. I mean i eat cheese&broccoli...but that's not enough! Help! i feel like my bones are brittle and i'm going to DIE!

I really like to eat fish; salmon & tilapia YUM!
Oh & I've been craving corner bakery and i really should go sometime this week! Someones gonna get a lucky corner bakery phone call lol! i'm so lame.

I'm on a spiel of random thoughts
I am tired, i am rambling, i am ending this.
Goodnight!

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched...

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 07:47:03 GMT

They must be felt with the heart."- Helen Keller

I've spent a ton of time pondering about my life lately; the past, the present & the future. The past is the foundation of who you are currently & "currently" eventually becomes an aspect/contribution to the future... it's kind of like connect the dots...I am so weird. Anyway...although this year has been, what i have to say, one of the worst years ever, i have been trying to make the most of everything... and i'm proud of it....

Somethings that i've realized about myself since i landed on this face of earth is...
I have very high expectations for myself and those who i care or are concerned for. It has both its pros & cons. With high expectations comes extreme pleasure and happiness or disappointment. I think you're cheating yourself when you settle for less or do not work to your full potential. If you're going to think anyway, why not think BIG...

Another thing about myself, i cannot find the exact word...a foolish being maybe? I just let people walk into my life, take all they want and leave when they please. And the irritating thing is, i do not say a single word or even slightly prevent this. I always believe that these people could be better and make excuses for them...(I know i've written about this in my previous entries on specific senarios)

When i'm passionate about something, i'm super extremely passionate about it. This is something i just figured out about myself not so long ago. When i love something/someone, i love/care about them to the extreme. Simple as that.

i normally try to shake off bad, unworthy people in my life as much as possible. I enjoy being around people i love&those who love me...genuine people. Like many people say, but i really do mean, i'd rather have a small group of good/best friends rather than a ton of crummy, crappy acquaintances.

I've also reconsidered my whole getting married and having a ton of kids idea. I think at this time, marriage is not something i think about or even slightly imagine being in any time soon. I used to have this whole picture of how my wedding will be and yadi yaid yadi, but now it just seems to be on hold...However, i've been thinking alot into my future, success wise. I think the one thing i really want in my life is to be successful. I want to be financially stable where money is not a problem & have a job that i love. Im positive many people strive for this also. I dont need to be FILTHY rich cleaning my hands with hundred dolla billz yo but just stable and have the things i want. With all that money, i'd definitely give back to my parents for all their support they've provided me with all my life. I know they'll be old by the time i am successful, but i definitely want them to enjoy all the time they can and not have to worry about all the junk parents have to worry about. Although i have a better relationship with my mom, i still try to love my parents equally. Not to mention, they get on my last nerve sometimes, well afterall they're my parents yannoe.

Enough ranting about LIFE? hahahaa
My birthday is coming up so soon, i don't even feel anything... I dont even have any plans!!! No one is reserving me HAHA.. bummer? lol
Halloween is coming up & i dont know what to dress up as or do that night or the following night. Seems like everything is just one big giant bolded question mark!
oh btw, I got laid off today at work. Yeah as if my life couldn't get any worse :/ I wasn't feeling the management there anyway and everything happens for a reason so i am not "trippen" as badly as i "should" haha im in search for a new job now :/

Goodnight world!

On the mossy turf we'll dance till... our feet shatter, our toes will splinter.

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 04:59:27 GMT

I decided to private all my old entries. We live & learn and eventually grow out of the young, naive, love blinded, narrow minded & all that jazzy wazzy stage. Something i've concluded in the process of privating my entries? Livejournal sucks, without the "paid" account, you have to go back & private each entry one by one! Time consuming most definitely!